Early On Michigan

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IEP Drama

Normally I’m long winded but this my dears is going to be short and sweet.

Parents we must stop our thoughts about a thing always determine it’s outcome.  If you go into your child’s IEP dreding it and saying to yourself and others how exhausting it will be, how the teachers and administrators never cooperate. Then you will have and exhausting and unproductive IEP.

Parents we MUST stop this IEP Drama and stop being so negative.  It seems that often times in the IEP community we take pride in how horrible our IEP experience was and how much trouble it was and what administrator or teacher we had to get nasty with. For years I thought something was wrong with me because my kids have always had speedy, happy IEP sessions.  I then began to make stuff up to prolong the IEP so that I would have something to talk about.

What I realized is that is unnecessary.

Short tip:

Find the good in it all. When you find the good when you find your teams strengths when you play those up the negative will disappear  You create your world and not anyone else.

Create something great, trust me.

Wishing you Health and Wellness

Charmaine

What you Don’t Know……

When my hubby and I met he was in the military and so our two oldest children were cared for (during the first half of their lives  by military doctors.  What many don’t know about military doctors is that you don’t get to choose which doctor you want to see, the doctors are usually not very caring they seem to only be there out of a sense of obligation. What you don’t know is that a pediatrician is not a pediatrician .what do I mean by that. Your child could be seen by doctor that got their speciality in OB or urology not pediatrics which means they really don’t want to be there because fooling with kids wasn’t what they wanted but the duty station they got stuck with.

The military system of doctors at the time we were there were solely about quick fixes. You had a headache 800mg Motrin, your child had a fever Motrin, you looked sick or feel a bit under the weather, Motrin with an antibiotic chaser.  Nothing about the military medical profession stated “let’s find out what’s going on” there was no diagnosing involved it was more of a lets get you out of here so I can get you to the next patient and go home.

People wonder why I an African American woman would be against this universal health bill, because if our government can’t adequately take care of our troops and their families I don’t want any part of it. I will move off the grid before I allowed the government to view my every health move and dictate where it should go.

Just to give you an idea how ratchett (for those that don’t know ratchett is the ‘hood meaning  for the word  bad to the 10th power) the doctors and the medical system we experienced were.

At our last duty station in Maine our kids pediatrician was a Dr. Robert Luhn and boy oh boy, he did a great job at making sure I felt un-empowered.  Our oldest had double reoccurring ear infections and his solution antibiotics, when one didn’t work he mixed two, all the while giving him vaccinations on top of it.  When I went to him about Marcus’ development stating “something was off and that the teachers saw something” he stated and I quote “You are just being an over zealous mom because you daughter was diagnosed, there’s nothing wrong with him.” and end scene. Then he told me that the wheezing I heard wasn’t wheezing at all.  At that point I was mad as hell so, I began to research leaving the military doctors and chosing outside doctors for me and the kids, my husband had to be subjected to their treatment because when you’re in the military you are “their” property.  Anyways, we got out and I found a doctor on the outside that was a little more open and easy to talk to. I also took my son to get tested by the state of Maine. The new doctor found asthma and the state testing found delays.

Well those that know me know that I wrote a letter as only I can that  was full of shade (the ‘hood way of  saying that I was nasty but in an underhanded way) and facts.  They nicely filed it away in my kids medical files. I found out years after my hubby ‘broke out’ that they were harassing him at work about the number of times that I had to take our son to the doctor! Asking him to tell me to reduce the number of times that I went to the clinic!  I find that to be truly disturbing.

My hat goes off and my heart goes out to all of the families still serving “the man” your jobs nor journeys are easy.  It’s hell getting services when you move from state to state or country to country.  Receiving adequate care is almost a joke, because the government’s view on their health is a pop a pill.

So, the next time you see a service member or their family shake their hand, take your hat off, say thank you, because their sacrifice  is more than you could ever imagine in your normal civilian lives. No they don’t have it easier because the military pays for their moves or gives them a food stipend or housing.

Wishing you Love Health & Wellness

Charmaine

*PS if anyone of my readers is current US military could you tell me if the medical treatment has changed, I’m curious, also has diagnosing and treating autism or any other different ability become better”

 

To Vaccinate or not to Vaccinate that is the question

This is a touchy, touchy, touchy subject…vaccines.  Are they any good, are the parents not vaccinating crazy?  I believe (this is my personal opinion I am not anywhere near the medical profession but this is my gut feeling about how they affect my kids) in my heart of heart that vaccines are not the wonderful that the medical community, government and pharmaceutical companies would have you believe.  I think they were manufactured for people who didn’t have the time to be sick or have sick kids so they needed a quick fix. The drug companies realized that they could make money off of us and our “microwave” mentality and ran with it.  They began manufacturing drugs and vaccines to “keep you kids healthy” never mentioning diet, exercise (the stuff that requires some work) because we didn’t want to hear it.

I believe that vaccinating your child is your personal decision as a parent. I don’t fault those who do and I don’t think those that don’t are crazy, it’s your choice.  But I don’t, I seriously believe that my son’s issues stem from vaccine damage as his first seizure came after a round up of vaccines given to him by the U.S. military “doctors” and “medical staff”(oh boy do I use that term loosely we’ll talk about how the U.S. government cares for their service members and their families in a later blog) whew give me a minute too many feeling rushing (I see some forgiveness work in my near and immediate future on this one). in a period of three months my son had over12 (DTAP, Polio, Hib, Hep B, Prevnar all given at the SAME time in March, April and June of 2004)vaccinations that where given to him all while he had recurrent  double ear infections…(wait I need another minute to process this one)…Soon after the last go round he got super sick and then had a seizure , which when I remember back is the same type of seizure that he is having now.  When he was admitted into the hospital he was diagnosed with pneumonia and staph infection of the blood! It never occurred to anyone that something was extremely wrong with that picture.

I know that me as his mom should’ve stepped in but I didn’t have the knowledge that I had now and I was still apart of that mindset that  medical staff knew everything and that they actually had my child’s best interest at heart.  There only concern was a schedule and not the health and wellness of my child.

I say all of that to say this, if you do or don’t vaccinate know your why. Not to explain it to anyone else because it’s no one’s business if you do or don’t, but that explanation is for you. So that no matter what happens to your child good or bad health wise you know that you did all you could, you know that you were armed with the knowledge you needed to make a conscious decision for your child’s health. Please READ up on whatever you decided to do or not do, research, research, research don’t take ANYONE’S word for it.

I know that had I not vaccinated my son as well as pump him with antibiotics that his path would be much different than what it is now, and as a parent I have to forgive myself because I only did what I knew. My job now is to make him better.  That’s why I was always so tough on Marcus, Jr because I felt like I caused it, that it was my fault that he was having seizures, and he could talk or that he is in his own world and seeing the reflection of things you think you did wrong is painful.  I think that is the most painful part about having a child with a different ability, you feel in some way responsible. Now I’m not about to be popular for this next statement but here goes.

In a sense you are responsible for whatever your child’s current (note the word current) condition. I’m not talking solely the different ability itself but everything surrounding it. Stop babying your child saying what they can’t do or will never be able to do, because it sets a tone in the universe, then they take on the mindset that they are limited in life.  Stop dwelling on  what you “might” have or “might not have” done that’s in the past, how is being depressed helping your future or your child’s future?  I’m not saying you can’t have a sad day or a day that you are totally frustrated with the process, just don’t stay there it’s not healthy for anyone.

Great example of what I mean:

Marcus, Jr had impulse control issues, and I would always jump down his thought, yell at him, just basically sending him bad vibes, so that’s how he acted, no better no worse.  I always said to myself he will never get better he will always be doing this thing or that thing.  So he did, and the vicious cycle continued and it even caused other family members to join in and gang up on Marcus and how “bad” he was. One day I woke up and decided to shift my thinking about him and only feed him positive message because I didn’t like the mom in front of me or the kids that she was producing. I resolved that no matter what his abilities where I was going to prepare him to be his best by being patient and kind. And the kid that emerged is the kid I’m blogging about now, helpful, attentive, smart, loving, able to follow along in class.

So you see mom’s and dad’s thought hold A LOT of  power. More than you could ever imagine.

Feed your family thoughts of healing, kindness, love, compassion. Dish it out and you’ll be sure to get it back.

Send you Love. Health. and Wellness

Charmaine

 

New Updates 4-27-2013

This week has been a super crazy week for us.  My son’s school was on lockdown for the second time this year (http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2013/04/gunfire_in_harper_woods_leads.html) and he had seizures this week, 3 on Thursday, 4 on Friday and 2 today.  They appear to be tonic-clonic seizures(http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/livingwithepilepsy/parentsandcaregivers/parents/infants/tonicclonic.cfm)

Which is more information than what the neurologist has ever given me.  If that is the case then the medication that he is on is not going to help (not like it really was anyway). So I’m looking into some natural methods to help him.  Other than the seizures he has been doing quite well but he we have a lot of work that we will be doing over the summer.

Jai Lynn has been doing……great as far as being able to verbalize and converse with us.  Today was very memorable.  She has a difficult time regulating her voice and she is not good with inflections and all that human stuff that we do.  She doesn’t get that smacking her lips or moaning are inappropriate behavior. Long story short, she got very upset  tonight because she was redirected by dad and it wasn’t “nice”. So, she begun to cry. So I seperated them (not literally  and I went into her room and we talked.  I gave her re-affirming statements to repeat, “I am beautiful, I am smart, I am loved” then I had her to tell me two things that she was thankful for today and she said that I made sandwiches and that she had a chocolate covered strawberries.  And that got her to smile, telling me what she’s thankful for always gets her to smile.  Once she calmed down she and dad made up and all was right with the world.  After dad left the room she and I talked for a minute.

She said “I have to worry about myself mom” and I told her yes that that her brothers where not her responsibility to care for and that she didn’t need to feel the need to always be concerned about what they did or didn’t do because mom or dad would always find out. Plus, she was a great big sister that loved and cared for her brothers and that she is doing a great job.

This summer with her I think social awareness skills and self-esteem are going to be on the top for learning this summer for her.

This is why I am homeschooling next year because although she’s learning academics (loosely) the social piece is…somewhat lacking.  She mainly has issues with self esteem and some depression.  I take ownership in some of the mental struggles that shes having, because I was having them also and I am working on them now.  So as I build myself up I build her up.  I want her to learn lessons now and not take 30 some odd years to get it.  That is way I am thankful that I am on this journey, I was meant to go on it now.  I’m happy that she and I are doing it together because it gives me the opportunity to be a true example.

So that is what is going on with us as of late.  I’m getting my cards ready for Mother’s Day and Graduation’s, I have vendor shows coming up so I am a very busy girl.

Until next time

Charmaine

Meetings for Moms!

So today was the monthly Maximizing Autistic Potential mom meeting and today it was held and my house.  I wanted to do something a little different and make some homemade cleansers.  In my search for multiple cleaners, thank God I found one on the Facebook page for Natural & Frugal:Raising 6 Kids    it was for an all-purpose cleaner! Well hot dog I thought this was exactly what I was looking for.  We ate laughed and made household cleaners.  I love things that I can do myself, that will save me money and that will stop any further toxification of my home.  I try and clean and cook green as much as possible and I try to  make our environment as healthy as I can when I can.  It was great to be able to share what I had learned with other mom’s so that they could change their environments also.

Long story short, the meeting was great, the ladies that attended were fun as usual and made some great food and we laughed way past closing time.  So if any of you wonder what is this mom’s meeting that she speaks of. What it is, is that each month a group of mom’s that have children with challenges namely Autism, come together.  We spend about 3 hours, talking about our children’s challenges  triumphs and just our struggles or triumphs.  It’s great to know that I’m not alone. We are from all walks of life but everyone is positive and supportive of one another, I love when a group of women can get together and  support one another.

If you are the parent of a child or loved one with a different ability please find a support group.  Many times we don’t think that connecting with other parents is important because no one understands who we are, who our children are and what we are going through.  When actually we are closer than we think.  Although, none of us experiences our recovery of our children in the same way we are able to celebrate with one another and lift each other up in times of struggle.

Connecting with another parent that either has, or has had a child with special needs will be vital to your sanity.

Wishing you Health and Wellness

Charmaine

 

 

Participation

It has come to my attention that our local Parent Advisory Committee (or PAC or Partnership for Different Learners or PDL) is in a bit of disarry.  Old Charmaine would have jumped in tried to save them her way, meaning great ideas but not so great delivery.

I’m not sure with all that I have going on that I really want to be bothered now (for lack of a better term) but I would love for the situation of the PAC in my local district to get better.  Am I really ready to stick it through and do it all myself? Because when you take on a project of that nature you have to be prepared at some point to do it all yourself.  I mean yes, there is parental involvement but things happen and people’s lives change. I’m not quite sure of what road blocks the current board has run into or what exactly is going on that makes them want to leave.

Part of it I know is that it is really only three women running the whole thing.  So because they really don’t have help the meetings are pretty much held (In my opinion) when it is convenient for them which is every other month.  I can’t blame them because I would do the same.  The other part is that because they have be doing it alone for so long that new help being offered is often confusing  (for lack of a better term)  They are really a great group of ladies.

I don’t think I’ll get involved as I once intended.  I will not be running for President, Vice President, Treasurer or Secretary.  Not right now.  I will though, help where I can and do what I can.  I will continue, to offer my support and services to whomever is in office. But, I don’t want a position of power, not really of interest to me at this time.  That’s not to say by our May meeting I’ll feel differently but for right now it’s a no.

I don’t need another position as I am a board member in several places in regards to Michigan Special Education so for now I’m good.

So many parents want their parent group to “give” them something. How about you give back? You don’t have to be a board member to call the President of your local PTO or PAC and ask do they need any extra help. Participate where you can. If your help is spurred then you have done your job of trying.

Until next time

Charmaine